How to Survive the SteelerBowl

We all know a Steelers fan.

Sure, many may disavow that they know them or simply put up with them, kind of like a weird uncle.

So Patch is here to prepare you for the next two weeks as the fans of the Black and Gold await the Green Bay Packers.

Here’s a list of five things that might help you survive the Pittsburgh love-fest that’s about to ensue:

5. Laugh because their city spawned this gentleman, seen here celebrating the Penguins loss to the Capitals in the Winter Classic.

4. The advantage of playing all their home games on a field of dead moss plastered to a parking lot in the middle of a wind tunnel is no more. The horrid conditions of Heinz Field play right into the Steelers’ style—not to mention it befits their city. But because the NFL is afraid of playing the Super Bowl anywhere north of Dallas (until the upcoming game in New York), the two teams built to play and thrive in freezing conditions will have to endure the 72-degree, windless conditions of the new Cowboys Stadium.

3. There are sure to be some Ravens in the commercials. Ray Lewis was all over Old Spice this season, hanging out with bears and playing for-real football. Ray Rice is one of the “Young Guns” in the new Gillette commercial. Joe Flacco is sure to be in one of those epic Pizza Hut bits. Unless some bathroom cleaning supply company has a good sense of humor, I doubt we’ll see Pittsburgh’s No. 7 outside of the game broadcast.

2. We’ll all have one team to root for in the big game. Collectively, Ravens Nation will be the second-largest supporter of the Packers behind the community of Green Bay. They have a bay. We have a bay. They’re famous for making cheese. I like to eat cheese. They play defense like the Ravens used to. Packers legendary wide receiver Antonio Freeman is from Baltimore. Last, and perhaps most importantly, Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers has a chance to push ex-Packer Brett Favre to the backburner for a little while.

1. Spring training starts in a month. True, our Orioles haven’t had a winning season since the Ravens second year in Baltimore. But at least we don’t have the Pirates.

And heck, even if they win, it’ll erase that annoying little “Sixburgh” nickname they’ve given themselves. 

With a seventh championship, I doubt “Sevensburgh” will stick.